behind the mastermind

i don't think we would love to live in a perfect world. think about it. no, really, think about it. can you grasp the ideal of perfection? the thing is, what i consider perfect, wouldn't be perfect to you. like if i say:

i would love to have one woman for each day, each and one of them selected by me and to do exactly what i want them to do when i want it. i would fuck some of them, others would do shit for me, like cleaning or organizing my life, complete simple task, go with me to the movies, pay shit for me, buy me stuff, work for me so i can rest and fuck some other girl, do groceries (with her own money), play with me, kill some one i don't like (wait, in a perfect world people i don't like are kept in torture chambers, so i can watch them get wasted). and simple stuff like that. that would be one step closer to living in my perfect world.

but that's not happening. you think that in a perfect world, people will speak their minds and forget about being polite and just be dead honest. take for example yesterday. izza and i went to give our move-out notice (because we're moving, you know). the girl --a pretty nice girl, i may add--, asked us if there was a particular reason to move-out. i thought about all the crap we have endured since we moved there but i didn't say anything. instead, i said that it was cool. izza wrote that we were buying a house, as if.

then, she asked if there was something she could do to make us change our minds. we said no. but that sentence striked me.

is there anything i can do to make you change your minds?

well, you can start by letting me fuck you up the ass here in this desk while izza watch. i think of saying that. it was the first thing that crossed my mind. it wasn't a lie. i was just being honest. that might not convinced us on the spot, but i would've considered to possibility if she'd offer herself like that. so, no, there isn't a place for a perfect world in this life. maybe next time, punk. maybe next time.

si me pregunta por qué me masturbo si tenemos sexo regularmente, la respuesta es simple. coger es toda una producción y a veces no tengo ánimos de quedar bien con nadie.

is it ok to think about sex during working hours? i look around and i don't see anything tasty or jerk-off material of any sort... but when i think about masturbation during working hours, i'm sure it has nothing to do with sex, it's more like something to do just to make the time pass by... like, i see masturbation more like a hobbie than a sexual activity...

as long as i am able to fuck, i'm good to go;
as long as i'm still aroused by you, i'm good to stay.

hay días cuando ni todo el sexo del mundo me es suficiente. quiero más.

me molesta el hecho de que mi asistente sea fea.

don't you love dreamy fucks? yeah. you went to bed right away, 'cause you were tired and then you woke up at 2.30 to find yourself already doing it. i know i didn't want to fuck, i was tired. so it's sort of an enigma what was i dreaming about, but then i remembered starting to search for skin in my bed. and there it was. that marvelous ass, naked, ready, waiting. my fingers reached for her cunt almost by instinct. there wasn't any immediate rejection so i pursued the exploration. i wanted to be inside so bad but i waited. instead, i went down and buried my head between her legs, my tongue reaching for her soaked pussy. i heared her moan. i began french kissing like if i was playing with her mouth. she was into it now. moaning, yearning. what was i to do? i turned her over and put my tongue inside. you know the feeling? well, we fucked for some time. you know you are half way sleep when you don't even open your eyes while grinding.

after that i woke up and couldn't go back to sleep. i even thought about going to the computer to write this crap down, but i guess i didn't do it. that's why i'm losing time here at work...

few things satisfy me more in life that waking up with a raging hard-on. i dunno. i just think it's kinda cool to have there, just in case.

minutes lates i always have to fight with it so i can pee right, but that's a whole different story. i like my hard-ons. yeah... sometimes i just stare at it going: "this dick is actually pretty".

i remember it vaguely, but i'm sure there was a time when i enjoy going to strip bars... now all the fun is gone. every time i go to one, it's a fuckin' living torture.

perhaps

tengo una oficina. hace tres semanas comencé a disfrutar una oficina. la estaba compartiendo con un amigo, pero al menos tenía mi escritorio, mi computadora -una lentium de mierda- y solía mantenr la puerta cerrada para trabajar, platicar y pendejear.

hace una semana, mi amigo fue reubicado a otra oficina. me quedé con la otra oficina yo. mi oficina. con puerta y llave para cerrar cuando me vaya. me dieron una computadora mejor. me dieron más horas. me dieron más responsabilidades y, me hicieron saber que mi trabajo es demasiado importante para hacer quedar bien a la organización. según, en septiembre habrá evaluación y el sueldo puede subir...

la felicidad por tener mi propia oficina asignada se acabó hoy cuando llegué y olvidé la llave en el llavero de izza...

bueno, la recuperé de inmediato con el master que guardan en el mostrador, pero por unos minutos, me sentí totalmente devastado por un peligro que jamás consideré. ¡qué pendejo!

"there's a certain part of all of us that lives outside of time. perhaps we become aware of our age only at exceptional moments and most of the time we are ageless..."

milan kindera
"immortality"

i luv this girl!

ha sido la semana más surreal en años. fuimos a fiesta texas en su segundo día con toda la familia (mi madre, mis hermanas -jo and marie ann-, jo's kids, izza and i). fue un día de contrastes y de aceptación. hacía mucho que no compartía tiempo con nadja, y viendo a mi hermana, con sus niños, recordé los tiempos cuando mis padres nos llevaban y entendí muchas cosas. entendí lo mucho que se esforzaban por divertirnos, y entendí que como todos hijos, éramos unos culeros que nos valía madre el sacrificio y siempre estábamos pidiendo más.

correction, i love this two girls!

además, me di cuenta que el tiempo pasa rápido, y si te descuidas...

aceptar que ya no se trata de ti el asunto es difícil. no estás ahi para divertirte tanto, sino para hacer que tus niños se diviertan. andas haciendo filas en juegos que ni te llaman la atención, y observando con nostalgia, esos a lo que te subías, y aún quisieras disfrutar. pero ya no se trata de ti, chico. ni modo.

and izza keeps saying that nadja kinda looks like audrey tautou

ese día terminó con buen saldo, me gané un carebear para nadja, y aparte ella obtuvo una miss piggy y no sé que otro peluche. el siguiente día, la llevé al zilker park, donde rentamos una canoa y nadja aprendió a remar. al regreso a casa, izza cayó muerta, yo quería hacerlo, pero esta niña parece que se autorecarga con celdas solares, y le bajé dos screeners, charlie y la fábricas de chocolate, y madagascar. benditos torrentes! totalmente habladas en español y grabadas con la peor tecnología pirata del mercado, pero funcionales. el resto de mi familia agarró carretera...

this is us now.

she used to say that she wanted kids, but now that nadja's been here with us for a week, she kinda changed her mind. we have been transformed into sexless freaks. there's no time to fuck, and when we have time, we're too frickin' tired. raising kids is hard, you know.

we fucked yesterday, you know, or at least we tried... outside, in the garden. she was standing by a tree and wasn't the shit to be honest. but we might try it again sometime soon. more soon.

te veo y me alegra tanto el tenerte cerca. te veo y no pienso en otra cosa que no sea abrazarme a ti, y hacerte saber cuanto te amo y todo lo que significas para mi. te veo y me duele saberte triste, y darme cuenta que aún cuando sonríes, hay cierta melancolía detrás de tu mirada...

quisiera verte siempre riendo.
quisiera siempre tenerte conmigo.
no es suficiente una semana, nadja.
nunca lo será.

hoy llega nadja. hoy comienza una de las mejores semanas de este periodo. el lunes habrá cambios en el trabajo, parece que las cosas tomarán un mejor rumbo.